For real, y´all.  God keeps giving me stuff to say.  Enjoy it while it lasts.  Also, this might be a a little scattered, so just go with it.

     Last Thursday was a really weird day for me - that´s when everything happened with Ceasar, and from that point on, I´d really been struggling.  I think ever since I got here I´ve had this defence mechanism up that made everything feel surreal.  I´d be in the middle of all these really hard and sucky situations and it felt like I was disconnected, like I was watching it on TV or something.  Then everything just came crashing in on me, and all at once everything, everywhere I look, just broke my heart.  It started with Ceasar and kind of culminated on Tuesday morning at the dump.  I was standing there holding a little girl who probably hadn´t bathed in a week or more, who is one of nine children - all of them raised in a dump - and I was like ´I don´t know if I can handle this.´ I kept feeling like nothing I was doing was helping anything, because it´s not like I can change the situation, and I was starting to ask myself, ´why am I even here?´

      So anyway, all day Tuesday I had this weird feeling in my stomach, and then I got a hardcore headache, and basically I was really, really discouraged.  That night, I was laying in my bunk writing about everything and listening to Waterdeep, and this song came on that says -

´Though I feel alone

   I am never alone

   You are with me´ -

and I felt God say, ´These are not your burdens to carry.´ 

       God has his hand on everyone I´ve encountered.  He knows what´s going on, and yes, he can handle it without me, but he put me here.  For some reason, everything just clicked.  It honestly felt like a weight lifted off of me.  The weird stomach thing went away, my head stopped hurting - I´ve been praying for peace and joy since I got here (I´ve had paz y gozo sharpie tattooed on my arm alot), and I finally feel it. 

      There are these verses in Matthew that everybody knows that finally clicked with me, and now they´re making me really happy - ´Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.´ -Matthew 11:28-29.

    So here´s what I think you should do right now - go to youtube, type in ´Come all you weary, thrice´, and listen. 

 

2 unrelated things...

1) PTL - Ceasar´s school is getting him a wheelchair.  yessssssssss.

2) I´m friends with a cat.  I think Jesus is teaching me to love things / people that I´m not inclined to like.  :)

 

paz y gozo.

 

-Ruth