For real, y´all. God keeps giving me stuff to say. Enjoy it while it lasts. Also, this might be a a little scattered, so just go with it.
Last Thursday was a really weird day for me – that´s when everything happened with Ceasar, and from that point on, I´d really been struggling. I think ever since I got here I´ve had this defence mechanism up that made everything feel surreal. I´d be in the middle of all these really hard and sucky situations and it felt like I was disconnected, like I was watching it on TV or something. Then everything just came crashing in on me, and all at once everything, everywhere I look, just broke my heart. It started with Ceasar and kind of culminated on Tuesday morning at the dump. I was standing there holding a little girl who probably hadn´t bathed in a week or more, who is one of nine children – all of them raised in a dump – and I was like ´I don´t know if I can handle this.´ I kept feeling like nothing I was doing was helping anything, because it´s not like I can change the situation, and I was starting to ask myself, ´why am I even here?´
So anyway, all day Tuesday I had this weird feeling in my stomach, and then I got a hardcore headache, and basically I was really, really discouraged. That night, I was laying in my bunk writing about everything and listening to Waterdeep, and this song came on that says –
´Though I feel alone
I am never alone
You are with me´ –
and I felt God say, ´These are not your burdens to carry.´
God has his hand on everyone I´ve encountered. He knows what´s going on, and yes, he can handle it without me, but he put me here. For some reason, everything just clicked. It honestly felt like a weight lifted off of me. The weird stomach thing went away, my head stopped hurting – I´ve been praying for peace and joy since I got here (I´ve had paz y gozo sharpie tattooed on my arm alot), and I finally feel it.
There are these verses in Matthew that everybody knows that finally clicked with me, and now they´re making me really happy – ´Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.´ -Matthew 11:28-29.
So here´s what I think you should do right now – go to youtube, type in ´Come all you weary, thrice´, and listen.
2 unrelated things…
1) PTL – Ceasar´s school is getting him a wheelchair. yessssssssss.
2) I´m friends with a cat. I think Jesus is teaching me to love things / people that I´m not inclined to like. 🙂
paz y gozo.
-Ruth
